A Meet and Greet with: Death
"Meet your Maker." You've heard or read this, right? A vengeful force mouthing off on a mission of dealing death. Meet Death, Meet Your Maker. Should make you wonder (but it doesn't, does it?) about the nature of your maker. Death. "The good Lord giveth, the good Lord taketh". Life and Death. Give and Take. Your Sweet Lord, do you realise, is the Death of you?
Most of us have an outsized fear of death and a grossly negligent value of life. Most of us. There are cultures, though, where the death ritual is one of wild joy. It is not directed at the dying of the person but comes as a celebration of the life led by that person. The rest of us could learn from that.
Death is not an indignity. It is relief, it is release, it is the lasting peace after a lifetime of strife. Or, in some cases, great tranquility after a happy life. Perhaps. What it most likely is just that; death, a terminus to life's journey. "This is where you get off the train at Station Oblivion". Conjecture. I am, however, very clear in my mind that every death that touches you in your life is a call to wake.
We grieve, really, not for the dead but for the living.
People who elicit respect and affection from me know what they mean to me because I tell them. It's quite a simple thing to do. So why don't most people? The tragedy of tributes and obituaries is that they all pour not when it matters to whom these are meant but after that person has gone past paying heed, when it has ceased to have any meaning except to those seeking closure, whatever that is. The greater tragedy is that people keep erring thus almost as if they would be lessened if the person for whom these words are meant hears or reads them. How fucking stupid are we?!?
Realise this too; most will perhaps mourn you for a day, some for a few more. If you've lived an exceptional life, for good or for bad, you might be remembered for a generation. After that you'll fade to some sort of legend or myth if you please but eventually to nothing or at best a barely detectable whiff, hardly recognisable. You can extend that persistence of memory by how you live and the lives you affect. For all our fear of death, we get on with our lives. It's just that those lives could be so much better.
I made peace with my mortality by the time I was 28 or 29. Not that I was ever at war with it; at that age I just consciously acknowledged and accepted it. That acceptance has not had any bearing on how I have lived my life since. I've done much of what I've wanted to while not regretting what I could have but haven't got around to doing. I have not obsessed over death although I admit I'm fascinated by its various legends. My life has been guided by a certain belief that I formed when I was around 15 and was starting to discover my self. Death is definite. Life on the other hand is infinite in its possibilities. Accept the inevitability of death; it will help you focus on the life that you have.
“You lived what anybody gets, Bernie. You got a lifetime. No more. No less.”
-Death, Sandman: Brief Lives
We do not know how much time of life we have left of our lives. But I know there's not much left of it for me by sheer dint of the years I have already lived. And I have lived an intense life. That takes a toll but it's a price I have willingly paid. It's cool. There are things that I have learnt and there are lessons that I continue to learn. For example, in the recent past I have learnt that I'm a fairly good hand with a pistol. Well, specifically 10 meter air pistol shooting. I wouldn't have learnt that without trying it. That comes from keeping a mind that heads not for strictured goals but for spots that appear interesting. The shooting and archery ranges are two of a myriad such stops for me. The range is a temple I like to visit, a place of peace and clarity. I do not obsess over scores or with competition preparation. I like the meditative process of loading the pellet into the pistol, taking aim, pausing, shooting, and doing it again. Breathe. I like the steadiness of breath that comes with it; meditation, while still in action. I am amused by the possibility that maybe when I go, I will go guns blazing almost literally. I'm wary of preaching but I'm always willing to share perspective. And if you find something meaningful or comforting in that, I'll be very happy for you. For me as well. (for more obvious life lessonlets, try going through this).
For now let’s go on a quiet note, shall we?